My graceful self

So last night as my poor husband attempted to doze off into that ever-so-elusive slumber (before my sorry butt should crawl in next to him and instantly begin to snore), I got a major case of the GIGGLES. We had just finished watching several sitcoms, mind you, which started me on my way. So I'm creeping into the unlit room, trying to be oh-so-quiet, when suddenly a vision pops into my head of an earlier incident in my day. Just then I bust out giggling. I mean, full on belly jiggling, tears running down my face, trying to shut up in church kind of giggling. Eddy just rolls his eyes at me, and turns his face to the wall. I try to apologize, but the sincerity is all but lost in the continuation of my uproarious gleeful hysteria.

So what is so funny, you ask? Well...earlier in the day I found myself in a patently typical "Dawn move." The kind of move that won me the nickname "Grace" in high school, after falling UP the bleachers at a basketball game.

The kind of move in College that I was famous for, after one particularly bad night.

On said night I was trying desperately to play it cool in front of my MAJOR crush, "Mr. GQ" from the dorm next door, (on account of the fact that his girlfriend from out of town was IN town for the first time). I was so successful at playing it "cool" that the night's tally consisted of me:
1. Setting my hair on fire while trying to imitate a match trick.
2. Opening a door that was not attached to the wall and having it come crashing down upon me, cutting my hand.
3. Falling on the dance floor while wearing a skirt(in front of Mr.GQ and his girl) totally drenching my behind in the pool of beer that was the frat dance floor, NOT ONCE, BUT TWICE--I kid you not!
and 4. Crawling home on all fours in tears due to my complete embarrassed state, only to have GQ and girlfriend drive by and call to me out the window to see if I needed a ride home. That would be a big fat "NO THANK YOU."
Oh yeah, and 5. Getting back to my dorm to discover that I am...wait for it...
LOCKED OUT! Gloriously fabulous night, that my sister loves to retell to anyone new who hasn't heard it. (Including my children--so not appropriate, and in front of my husband--also not cool mentioning old crushes).

Anyway...back to my giggle fit. Earlier in the day as I was on my wooden staircase in my super slippery slippers, I lost my footing and slipped UP the stairs (this falling up thing takes great talent and practice-don't try it at home viewers!), landing hard on one armpit and my chin, with my legs sprawled out behind me. Let your mind visualize this lovely sight.

For whatever reason as I was creeping into the room and crawling into bed (ooo...I'm a creepy crawler) I pictured what this act of ballerina grace must have looked like from behind had anyone had the misfortune to witness it, and I couldn't stop laughing. I just couldn't stop. I'm not sure I wanted to stop--laughter like that doesn't come around everyday ya know!

So, since I rarely have funny things to share with y'all (all 2 of you!) I slipped into bed, muffled my sillyness and dreamed of the magic of this awesome writing I would get to do today. Hope it was as fun to read as it was to remember...

Giggling like a child makes me oh so happy!!! (following spelling errors not mine)
a buch of peopel falling down

Inspirational Moments

Soo...I've been thinking about what I like about blogs. I love that blogging requires you to take mundane everyday moments, and turn them into interesting and inspirational fodder for thought. This is certainly a challenge for me--the glass half-empty gal.

The other day I read a blog where the mom told of her day playing with the kids, and it sounded so poignant and lovely. I thought, I've had a hundred days like that, and I probably would've thought to myself, "I have nothing interesting to write about today." Not because it wasn't an enjoyable day, but because how do you make that sound interesting to others?

I have found myself lately retreating into cyberworld to try to connect, instead of hanging out with my family and connecting with them. It's not that I don't want to be with them, but sometimes I feel a little lonely for friendship. Some of my best friends are from my kids' preschool, who live in other neighborhoods, and lead similarly busy lives. I've recently noticed that many of the moms at my kids' current school also seem closest to friends from their kids' preschools, or with moms who are available for PTA, volunteering, and foundation. I want to be, too. But working full time again and trying to be the mom is actually more than I can handle sometimes.

So...this weekend I worked hard at ignoring my computer and focused on hanging out with my kids. Sounds awful, I know, that I have to work at it. But, anyway. Kaley and I were hanging out. We played Wii, and Super Mario Kart. We put puzzles together and babysat the kittens. We read and talked. But the most glorious part was we giggled! We rolled on the floor playing and teasing and we laughed 'til it hurt giggled! It was beautiful and silly, and a total blast. I am so aware right now of how close my children are to growing up. How fast time is moving and how quickly they will be teenagers who want no time with me at all. I need to make the most of the time that I have with them.

Hugging, and giggling, and being silly with my kids makes me happy.

Sick kittens and cozy beds

So...the kittens are sick. One has pneumonia and the other a hernia where the intestines are coming out the tummy. The vet so helpfully said to feed them food instead of kitty formula, but the one will only eat out of a dropper no matter what we try. The little one may die, and I am very very sad. Plus, the sweet little girls are actually boys. Now we can't stop saying "she," and we have to think of new names.

On the flip side I spent a good chunk of my day helping families who are struggling by getting them assistance for the holidays. I felt especially good about helping a family who has only one piece of furniture in their entire apartment get beds, bedding, clothes, and food.

We all have so much to be thankful for.

Tomorrow I get to hang out with my counselor friends at a counselor meeting, and go to lunch with my bff Linda:) Then try to play catch up...so very much to do. I am a little overwhelmed by the thought of Thanksgiving preparations. The thing I am most looking forward to is Friday...where I hope to spend the entire day in bed, sleeping. HOPE is a grand thing.

Okay...I'm totally boring you, I can tell. I'll try harder next time!

What I am most happy about today, is my warm, soft, beautifully cozy bed...waiting for me to climb in. I am so completely grateful to have one!

Fix it!

So, being a counselor, one of the most difficult areas of parenthood for me is to allow my children to learn from their own mistakes. I understand the wisdom in letting them stumble and fall. Intellectually I "get" that they need the opportunity of solving their own problems so that can gain the skills and confidence of knowing they can do so. Yet throughout my job as well as my life as a parent, I often feel that other people (including my children who KNOW I'm a rescuer, I mean counselor) have the following sentiments toward me:

Oscar Rogers SNL


SNL skits and laughing makes me happy!

Crisis Response

So...it was definitely a loooong week at work. And most everyone I talked to felt it. Massive exhaustion creeping in with the dark and dreery Oregon weather. Even on the "sunny" days, it was dark.

As I mentioned in previous posts, I started the week at a Crisis Response training. It was interesting, but emotional, as we listened to accounts of grief and trauma and tried to prepare for supporting kids and families for future unforeseen grief and trauma. The amazing thing was, when broken into small groups a main focus for my small group was how to handle a crisis centered around suicide, all the while, a situation resembling this was occurring in our district.

A distraught and hopeless man caused the lock-down in two of our schools that very afternoon due to his threats of suicide with a handgun. Unfortunately, he completed this threat, which impacted not only his children but many other children and adults in the surrounding schools and community.

I was relieved that it was not my team on call this month, as I am not sure I would've been "up" for this crisis. Still...such a tragedy never occurs without impacting all of us. My thoughts and prayers are with this family.

I think about the statements made by the presenter of my training...

If someone dies of cancer, we say they died of a disease of the body. When someone dies of suicide, we need to see that they died of a disease of the brain. I do know this to be true.

Today. the loving support of friends and family makes me happy. Some days it is easy to forget these things are there...especially for those in crisis.

Wisdom of Children

Yesterday I spent the day at an all day training for my Crisis Response Team on the subject of grief, and how to counsel others through trauma, grief, and crisis. The presenter, who is director at a Grief Counseling center, talked about things kids in her groups have said about their experience. It is amazing what kids know. Adults are forever trying to shield them from knowing things, only to harm them more by allowing their imaginations to fill in the blanks.

This was true for one of the kiddos she mentioned. A nine year old boy whose father died by suicide. The mom refused to tell him that dad had had an affair, which contributed to his death. So, instead of protecting him, this sent him into a frenzied search for what could be so horrible that his dad did, that mom would have to protect him from. He interviewed neighbors, trying to find the truth of how dad died. He felt there was a conspiracy and filled in the blanks with dad was a thief, a murderer, or some other heinous act that led to someone wanting him dead. Instead of being able to make meaning out of the truth, he was forced to struggle with finding the truth to get to the place of making meaning. The secret prolonged and complicated his grief.

All during the presentation I thought of my own kids. I hurt inside from the possibility that they might have to deal with mine or Eddy's death prematurely. How could they cope? But even without this loss, I hurt with the knowledge that they will for sure suffer losses that will cause them pain. That they have already suffered losses that cause them pain. This made me want to be a better parent. It made me anxious thinking of all the ways I am not preparing them for the world. Evan goes to middle school next year. Already I feel him slipping away to PEER world. It feels daunting sometimes trying to be a good enough parent. All my mistakes pass before my eyes as time ticks on.

The presenter also talked about Post Traumatic Growth. That sometimes we grow so much from our losses, they define who we are in ways we would never want to change, even if we could have back the thing we lost.

I need to let my children have their loss so they can have their growth.

Another 9 year old kiddo was constantly getting "hurt," in order to elicit attention. A three year old kiddo said to him, "some hurts are on the inside where no one can see."

Sometimes we have to bring the hurts out where others can see.

Today the wisdom of children makes me happy.

Stress and Stray animals

Okay...so I took the plunge and let a few select friends know I'm writing a blog. We'll see if they come read it.

Recently I went to visit a student in the hospital...a different one, and what do I find in the parking lot? A stray cat with teeny tiny baby kittens. Because I don't have enough stress to deal with. Eddy's work just recently laid off 2/3 of the Portland office, and REALLY want him to stay on, but he has to move to Ohio. For now, we are stalling a bit. But back to the hospital...KITTENS! I call the humane society to try and get them some rescue, and the lady tells me there's no one in Portland who will help. So, I ask, "is it better to leave them with their mama in the garage, or take them to a safer home without mama kitty?" The lady so very helpfully replies, "I can't tell you that ma'am. You have decide for yourself." Oh, thank you very much!! So we try and we try to get mama kitty to come, but she won't. Meanwhile she's left her kittens. So...because I seem to attract animals who need rescuing when my life is in stress. I am now the new mama to some teeny tiny kittens who need bottle feeding at 4:00 in the morning. Yikes! Here is a picture:
My children have named them Skye and Angel. My mom who is allergic to cats wants to keep one. I am in love, but also exhausted and ready to be done. Anyone out there looking for a new family member?

Meanwhile, it has been a year since my beloved grandpa passed away, and I find myself teary-eyed and emotional...dealing with the grief of the anniversary. We are still trying to sell his house and get out of probate. And tomorrow I get to go to a crisis response training all day on the subject of... GRIEF. Yay:)

Snuggling with tiny purring kittens makes me happy.