My dog won't "GO" in the snow

She tries and tries to find the scent.

But just can't find where last she went.
















And so because of all the snow.

My dog implores me "I can't go!"

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow....

So today we had a blast playing in the snow outside our house and at the school, with neighborhood friends and school friends. We used our various snow sleds to slide down our street hill...but forgot to put on our helmets--YIKES! Tomorrow will be different, as Evan plowed head first into a parked car. I saw his life flash before my eyes, visions of casts and concussions danced in my head. Luckily no major damage done. Lesson learned. The helmets we bought for skiing will now also be used for sledding!


I am so ecstatically happy that there is no school or work tomorrow. Yes, Virginia, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS! I will sleep in, play in the freshly fallen snow with my kids, drink hot chocolate, and pray for more snow, more snow, more snow!

My cat is an atheist

My cat keeps planting himself on top of my nativity scene. He's trying to conquer baby Jesus. Bad cat! Bad atheist, blasphemous cat! Next thing you know, he's going to attack Santa. Nah...he's too lazy.

My graceful self

So last night as my poor husband attempted to doze off into that ever-so-elusive slumber (before my sorry butt should crawl in next to him and instantly begin to snore), I got a major case of the GIGGLES. We had just finished watching several sitcoms, mind you, which started me on my way. So I'm creeping into the unlit room, trying to be oh-so-quiet, when suddenly a vision pops into my head of an earlier incident in my day. Just then I bust out giggling. I mean, full on belly jiggling, tears running down my face, trying to shut up in church kind of giggling. Eddy just rolls his eyes at me, and turns his face to the wall. I try to apologize, but the sincerity is all but lost in the continuation of my uproarious gleeful hysteria.

So what is so funny, you ask? Well...earlier in the day I found myself in a patently typical "Dawn move." The kind of move that won me the nickname "Grace" in high school, after falling UP the bleachers at a basketball game.

The kind of move in College that I was famous for, after one particularly bad night.

On said night I was trying desperately to play it cool in front of my MAJOR crush, "Mr. GQ" from the dorm next door, (on account of the fact that his girlfriend from out of town was IN town for the first time). I was so successful at playing it "cool" that the night's tally consisted of me:
1. Setting my hair on fire while trying to imitate a match trick.
2. Opening a door that was not attached to the wall and having it come crashing down upon me, cutting my hand.
3. Falling on the dance floor while wearing a skirt(in front of Mr.GQ and his girl) totally drenching my behind in the pool of beer that was the frat dance floor, NOT ONCE, BUT TWICE--I kid you not!
and 4. Crawling home on all fours in tears due to my complete embarrassed state, only to have GQ and girlfriend drive by and call to me out the window to see if I needed a ride home. That would be a big fat "NO THANK YOU."
Oh yeah, and 5. Getting back to my dorm to discover that I am...wait for it...
LOCKED OUT! Gloriously fabulous night, that my sister loves to retell to anyone new who hasn't heard it. (Including my children--so not appropriate, and in front of my husband--also not cool mentioning old crushes).

Anyway...back to my giggle fit. Earlier in the day as I was on my wooden staircase in my super slippery slippers, I lost my footing and slipped UP the stairs (this falling up thing takes great talent and practice-don't try it at home viewers!), landing hard on one armpit and my chin, with my legs sprawled out behind me. Let your mind visualize this lovely sight.

For whatever reason as I was creeping into the room and crawling into bed (ooo...I'm a creepy crawler) I pictured what this act of ballerina grace must have looked like from behind had anyone had the misfortune to witness it, and I couldn't stop laughing. I just couldn't stop. I'm not sure I wanted to stop--laughter like that doesn't come around everyday ya know!

So, since I rarely have funny things to share with y'all (all 2 of you!) I slipped into bed, muffled my sillyness and dreamed of the magic of this awesome writing I would get to do today. Hope it was as fun to read as it was to remember...

Giggling like a child makes me oh so happy!!! (following spelling errors not mine)
a buch of peopel falling down

Inspirational Moments

Soo...I've been thinking about what I like about blogs. I love that blogging requires you to take mundane everyday moments, and turn them into interesting and inspirational fodder for thought. This is certainly a challenge for me--the glass half-empty gal.

The other day I read a blog where the mom told of her day playing with the kids, and it sounded so poignant and lovely. I thought, I've had a hundred days like that, and I probably would've thought to myself, "I have nothing interesting to write about today." Not because it wasn't an enjoyable day, but because how do you make that sound interesting to others?

I have found myself lately retreating into cyberworld to try to connect, instead of hanging out with my family and connecting with them. It's not that I don't want to be with them, but sometimes I feel a little lonely for friendship. Some of my best friends are from my kids' preschool, who live in other neighborhoods, and lead similarly busy lives. I've recently noticed that many of the moms at my kids' current school also seem closest to friends from their kids' preschools, or with moms who are available for PTA, volunteering, and foundation. I want to be, too. But working full time again and trying to be the mom is actually more than I can handle sometimes.

So...this weekend I worked hard at ignoring my computer and focused on hanging out with my kids. Sounds awful, I know, that I have to work at it. But, anyway. Kaley and I were hanging out. We played Wii, and Super Mario Kart. We put puzzles together and babysat the kittens. We read and talked. But the most glorious part was we giggled! We rolled on the floor playing and teasing and we laughed 'til it hurt giggled! It was beautiful and silly, and a total blast. I am so aware right now of how close my children are to growing up. How fast time is moving and how quickly they will be teenagers who want no time with me at all. I need to make the most of the time that I have with them.

Hugging, and giggling, and being silly with my kids makes me happy.

Sick kittens and cozy beds

So...the kittens are sick. One has pneumonia and the other a hernia where the intestines are coming out the tummy. The vet so helpfully said to feed them food instead of kitty formula, but the one will only eat out of a dropper no matter what we try. The little one may die, and I am very very sad. Plus, the sweet little girls are actually boys. Now we can't stop saying "she," and we have to think of new names.

On the flip side I spent a good chunk of my day helping families who are struggling by getting them assistance for the holidays. I felt especially good about helping a family who has only one piece of furniture in their entire apartment get beds, bedding, clothes, and food.

We all have so much to be thankful for.

Tomorrow I get to hang out with my counselor friends at a counselor meeting, and go to lunch with my bff Linda:) Then try to play catch up...so very much to do. I am a little overwhelmed by the thought of Thanksgiving preparations. The thing I am most looking forward to is Friday...where I hope to spend the entire day in bed, sleeping. HOPE is a grand thing.

Okay...I'm totally boring you, I can tell. I'll try harder next time!

What I am most happy about today, is my warm, soft, beautifully cozy bed...waiting for me to climb in. I am so completely grateful to have one!

Fix it!

So, being a counselor, one of the most difficult areas of parenthood for me is to allow my children to learn from their own mistakes. I understand the wisdom in letting them stumble and fall. Intellectually I "get" that they need the opportunity of solving their own problems so that can gain the skills and confidence of knowing they can do so. Yet throughout my job as well as my life as a parent, I often feel that other people (including my children who KNOW I'm a rescuer, I mean counselor) have the following sentiments toward me:

Oscar Rogers SNL


SNL skits and laughing makes me happy!

Crisis Response

So...it was definitely a loooong week at work. And most everyone I talked to felt it. Massive exhaustion creeping in with the dark and dreery Oregon weather. Even on the "sunny" days, it was dark.

As I mentioned in previous posts, I started the week at a Crisis Response training. It was interesting, but emotional, as we listened to accounts of grief and trauma and tried to prepare for supporting kids and families for future unforeseen grief and trauma. The amazing thing was, when broken into small groups a main focus for my small group was how to handle a crisis centered around suicide, all the while, a situation resembling this was occurring in our district.

A distraught and hopeless man caused the lock-down in two of our schools that very afternoon due to his threats of suicide with a handgun. Unfortunately, he completed this threat, which impacted not only his children but many other children and adults in the surrounding schools and community.

I was relieved that it was not my team on call this month, as I am not sure I would've been "up" for this crisis. Still...such a tragedy never occurs without impacting all of us. My thoughts and prayers are with this family.

I think about the statements made by the presenter of my training...

If someone dies of cancer, we say they died of a disease of the body. When someone dies of suicide, we need to see that they died of a disease of the brain. I do know this to be true.

Today. the loving support of friends and family makes me happy. Some days it is easy to forget these things are there...especially for those in crisis.

Wisdom of Children

Yesterday I spent the day at an all day training for my Crisis Response Team on the subject of grief, and how to counsel others through trauma, grief, and crisis. The presenter, who is director at a Grief Counseling center, talked about things kids in her groups have said about their experience. It is amazing what kids know. Adults are forever trying to shield them from knowing things, only to harm them more by allowing their imaginations to fill in the blanks.

This was true for one of the kiddos she mentioned. A nine year old boy whose father died by suicide. The mom refused to tell him that dad had had an affair, which contributed to his death. So, instead of protecting him, this sent him into a frenzied search for what could be so horrible that his dad did, that mom would have to protect him from. He interviewed neighbors, trying to find the truth of how dad died. He felt there was a conspiracy and filled in the blanks with dad was a thief, a murderer, or some other heinous act that led to someone wanting him dead. Instead of being able to make meaning out of the truth, he was forced to struggle with finding the truth to get to the place of making meaning. The secret prolonged and complicated his grief.

All during the presentation I thought of my own kids. I hurt inside from the possibility that they might have to deal with mine or Eddy's death prematurely. How could they cope? But even without this loss, I hurt with the knowledge that they will for sure suffer losses that will cause them pain. That they have already suffered losses that cause them pain. This made me want to be a better parent. It made me anxious thinking of all the ways I am not preparing them for the world. Evan goes to middle school next year. Already I feel him slipping away to PEER world. It feels daunting sometimes trying to be a good enough parent. All my mistakes pass before my eyes as time ticks on.

The presenter also talked about Post Traumatic Growth. That sometimes we grow so much from our losses, they define who we are in ways we would never want to change, even if we could have back the thing we lost.

I need to let my children have their loss so they can have their growth.

Another 9 year old kiddo was constantly getting "hurt," in order to elicit attention. A three year old kiddo said to him, "some hurts are on the inside where no one can see."

Sometimes we have to bring the hurts out where others can see.

Today the wisdom of children makes me happy.

Stress and Stray animals

Okay...so I took the plunge and let a few select friends know I'm writing a blog. We'll see if they come read it.

Recently I went to visit a student in the hospital...a different one, and what do I find in the parking lot? A stray cat with teeny tiny baby kittens. Because I don't have enough stress to deal with. Eddy's work just recently laid off 2/3 of the Portland office, and REALLY want him to stay on, but he has to move to Ohio. For now, we are stalling a bit. But back to the hospital...KITTENS! I call the humane society to try and get them some rescue, and the lady tells me there's no one in Portland who will help. So, I ask, "is it better to leave them with their mama in the garage, or take them to a safer home without mama kitty?" The lady so very helpfully replies, "I can't tell you that ma'am. You have decide for yourself." Oh, thank you very much!! So we try and we try to get mama kitty to come, but she won't. Meanwhile she's left her kittens. So...because I seem to attract animals who need rescuing when my life is in stress. I am now the new mama to some teeny tiny kittens who need bottle feeding at 4:00 in the morning. Yikes! Here is a picture:
My children have named them Skye and Angel. My mom who is allergic to cats wants to keep one. I am in love, but also exhausted and ready to be done. Anyone out there looking for a new family member?

Meanwhile, it has been a year since my beloved grandpa passed away, and I find myself teary-eyed and emotional...dealing with the grief of the anniversary. We are still trying to sell his house and get out of probate. And tomorrow I get to go to a crisis response training all day on the subject of... GRIEF. Yay:)

Snuggling with tiny purring kittens makes me happy.

Hanging out with my girl

So yesterday, during the busiest week of the year at work for me, Kaley gets sick! Or rather, she doesn't get better. She was sick all week, which I am convinced she contracted at the doctor's office when I took her to get her goofy finger looked at. I though for sure they were going to tell me that it's nothing, but NOOOO we have to go see a surgeon. Are you kidding me? Waste of time I am still sure! But anyway, she was sick all weekend, then mom stayed home with her Monday, and yet still on Tuesday she's got a fever. So...I reluctantly called in sick and took her to the doctor. Lo and behold she's got Strep! I have to say, though, I had a glorious day hanging out with her. I ended up doing work at home part of the time, but overall I was super relieved to have the day off. I had to reschedule a bunch of lessons. But overall....

Sick days taking care of my little ones make me happy!

Lazy days

So, I haven't blogged for awhile. I don't always feel like I have anything interesting to say. This weekend was great. I decided to have just a family time. No other people over. No playdates for the kids. It was glorious. We just hung out together, played games, cleaned house a littlle, watched movies. We just spent time together. For three days! It was hard to go back to work today. (See what I mean--nothing interesting!)

Lazy weekends with my family make me happy.

Roller coaster of emotions

Today I was a roller coaster. I met with the sisters of the boy who is hospitalized in critical condition. We set up a system of support, like a "feelings box" where they can put their feelings written out into the slot, or write letters to their brother. After doing this for awhile they went to class. Later, one of them came back because she was too upset to be in class. She made a poster saying she loves her brother. After finishing it we went to put it in her backpack. She stopped and turned toward her teacher, clearly needing to say something. So I asked if she had something to tell her teacher. She couldn't answer. We moved closer to teacher, and waited. She just looked within herself trying to find the words. We waited. We supported. We tried to coax. Nothing verbally, but her eyes said it all. The emotions in them were so deep and so pure I started to cry. She needed to say, "I'm not okay. My brother might die, and I can't find the words to release the torrent of sadness and fear I am feeling. I'm not okay." All she could say--and only with our help--is "I'm sad." My heart aches. She and her sister are twins, but the three of them are so close in age, and have always been best friends, so it's more like they're triplets. This she was able to say. I am dreading the call that will come--in days, or weeks, or months, that changes it all forever. How will I support her and her family. It's hard to imagine.

I went to see my little guy who is being abused. He was in a special class. He was sitting up front, so excited to participate. He was reading along with the simple book, pointing out things in the pictures, answering questions that the teacher was posing. He was so proud of what he knew. He was super excited that "I can write my name. Do you want me to show you?" I reminded him of our deal--keep your hands and feet to yourself (don't hit or kick) and you can come to my office to see my rats. He hadn't remembered. At the end of the day I remembered, and ran to see how he did. He had a hyper day, but did SOOOOO much better in the "no hitting" department He was about to get on the bus. I held his hands and looked in his eyes and celebrated with him, " You get to come see me in my office tomorrow and pet my rats." " I do?" he said excitedly, then gave me a great big hug. I do adore that boy!!

Later I talked to mom of boy in the hospital. We talked about how to support sisters, and brother is doing the same. Mom was so grateful for all we're doing, and I thanked her for letting us help. It's so much harder not to be able to do anything.

On the way home from work I heard one of my favorite songs. I cranked the radio and sang at the top of my lungs. I got home while the song was still on, and sat in the car belting out the words.

Today, favorite songs on the radio, pure emotions, and sweet little kiddos make me happy.

Sweet, amazing kiddos

Today I went to visit the little guy who we think is being abused and taking it out on the kids in his class. Man was he adorable. First, he was very happy to see me. Sooooo sweet, his little face looking up at me. He was, of course, very good when I was sitting next to him. And what I loved the most...he was just singing away. His teacher, who I adore, plays a song daily about community and togetherness. He was just belting out the song, and knew ALL the words. He was not happy when I told him I needed to go, though I tried to remind him that I had a deal with him that if he didn't hit or kick anyone for the rest of the day, he could come see me in my office and hold my pet rats. Sadly, about an hour later I saw him going to the principals office :( Some kids you just want to adopt.

Children singing makes me happy.

Later, as I was teaching a class, I got paged by the secretary. When I got a hold of her she told me my kiddo whose dad committed suicide a week ago was crying hard and needed me. So, I had her take kiddo to my room and wait for me. I got to a place in my lesson where I could leave, and then went to my office to talk to kiddo. She had been writing from a prompt about a fun activity, then suddenly realized that the only person she does this activity with is dad. She began to cry in class. She had a substitute teacher, poor thing, so the plan we had in place for when she got upset was kind of compromised. Sweet little thing had to tell the sub her dad just died so she could come see me. Well, I was able to comfort her with a little TLC, my furry little rats, and some time alone in my room. After school I told her I'd take her home instead of her riding the bus, and we got a milkshake on the way home. This little act seemed to help a lot in the moment. We talked on the way home--She is so courageous and amazing. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to try to help in her healing.

Being a support person to amazing kids makes me happy.

Prayers and secret notes

Today as I awoke I was feeling exhausted, and down. I was thinking "how can I take a mental health day," because I couldn't imagine making it through the week without some solitude and rest. So I decided to pray. I don't usually find this noticeably works when I am depressed, but I was inspired by the mom who I helped tell her daughter that the dad committed suicide. And, I always want to improve my spiritual connection. So...I asked for energy and a positive attitude. To my delight, about 20 minutes later I felt amazingly better.

Then I thought about how I could spread this positive energy. So today I began a secret campaign to inspire others at my work. I started writing anonymous notes to co-workers about the wonderful things they do, and how lucky our school is to have them. I tried to pick people that others wouldn't necessarily compliment. I tried to be very specific to who they are in my compliments. I am going to have to pay closer attention so I can get to everyone in an authentic way, without being found out. I haven't heard their response. That would be a fun thing to be privy to. But...I am hopeful that it made them feel good.

Today I am happy about answered prayers, and secret notes of appreciation.

I made it through

I made it through today. I am so very tired. The kind of tired you feel down to your bones, where you feel like you don't know how you're going to get up and do it all again tomorrow. But you have to.

Today I am happy that some of my colleagues are wonderful enough to tell me how much they appreciate having me at the school, and "get" how hard my job is. They tell me I'm wonderful and they don't know what they'd do without me. It's hard not to poo poo their compliments, but deep down it means so much to me that they see me.

Attempt at happy thoughts

Okay, so a colleague of mine who is much more cheerful and funny has inspired me to steal ideas from her blog and write something that makes me happy each day. I don't know that I'll actually post each day, so I'll just post something I'm grateful for or that makes me happy each time I post.

At the moment I am quite sad, though. It's only September and already I've had to help a mom tell her daughter that dad committed suicide, call in a child abuse report about a little one being hit by his family, and today I got to visit a little guy in the hospital who just had half a lung removed and is probably going to die. I have to tell his classmates tomorrow that he's sick, and try to help his sisters cope at school.

So...what makes me happy today? I walked race for the cure. Today I am happy that my family is safe and healthy. I am happy that my work makes a difference in people's lives. I am grateful that I work with amazing people who are so dedicated and compassionate, and that my family is part of an amazing community with people I like and respect, and whose values I share.

Dark and depressing thoughts that no one should have to read.

Okay, I have no idea why I created a blog. I am definitely not telling anyone I know that I've done so. So who if anyone will read this? I don't even really know how blogs work. I do know that my first reaction to writing a blog has always been "I try hard to hide from other people what I'm really thinking, why would I post my thoughts for everyone to see!" And..."Why would anyone want to know what I'm thinking?!" Then there's the idea that if I'm somewhat anonymous on the blog...as in not telling anyone I know, maybe there's a bit of freedom in posting my thoughts to complete strangers. Kind of like a diary.

So why would I want to hide what I'm thinking from others you ask. Well, because it's a bit dark and depressing in here. Hence the title "plathitudes" to reflect my Sylvia Plath-like mindset. Not that my writing is anything like hers, just my propensity for dark and depressing thoughts. Anyway, if anyone is actually reading this, make me a little comment and shock me. Also, explain to me how you find other peoples' blogs in the first place. I really don't get it.